The old woman burst in to the kitchen, madly swinging a goat.
"Herold!" she shouted, her voice raspy with age.
"Herold! Look what I found outside in the pit! It's a little goat!"
The old man was startled.
"Dammit Agnes, I'm an old man. You can't just burst in here swinging a goat around. I'm likely to have a stroke."
"Can I put it on your lap?" she croaked.
The old man sighed.
"Why don't you just go put it back in the pit, that's what you built it for."
A puppy burst out from under the old mans chair, yipping at the goat. The goat started making goat sounds and kicking its legs.
"Harold it's heavy," the woman said while grunting. "And I can't place it on the floor or Chester will startle him.
"Well why the hell did you bring it in here in the first place," the man questioned.
"My other goat got sick," she replied and pointed at a dead goat in the corner.
"Here."
The old woman leaned forward to place the goat on the man's lap.
The man clasped his hands together and looked up towards the dusty ceiling.
"Oh God," he cried. "Why do you torture me with this horrible old woman and goat. Please, strike me dead."
The old woman stared at the old man.
The goat struggled to free itself of her grasp.
Chester yipped.
9 comments:
Where did you find the picture, and why is it important, maybe you could liken it to a real conversation that your grandparents had, or preface it with something. I don't like that chester yipped, maybe another verb would be better.
That is an awesome story! I am almost positive that is how the painting came about. My only suggestions would be to maybe give the old man/woman a name. Maybe? It is good without but a clever name might help. Perhaps a little more detail of the house might help as well. The surroundings of the story. Really good though.
The comment "Here" made me pause for a moment to figure out who is speaking. It could be the old man as many conversation go back and forth between one person and then the other. I'm guessing it was the women though. You might want to clarify that.
LOL it was great, I would add something at the end saying that it was a work of fiction (you never know who might be reading) also giving names to the characters would make it more vivid in my eyes.
I LOVE IT! You are messed up duded. That was one of the funniest things I've ever read. This conversation could go on forever. The possibilities are endless. Maybe add more on to the end.
Great work.
The ease of inserting a picture allows for more fun fictional conversation. In a way it reminds me of some of the web comics out there that make use of found art or simply white out the comments from comics and write new ones.
As for improvements, I actually like the use of traditional quotes here as it gives the text some artistry next to the image.
I wouldn't mind seeing a link to information about the image, the history, artist, etc. It could be an image link, or simply a link at the bottom that said something like: to find out more about this painting...
I also think you could continue a bit and draw in more description such as sounds and smells. If you are going to add a narrative to the scene, who not expand it and fill in the other missing information, such as auditory and olfactory details.
I did give them names, which they call each other but when they're speaking I don't use the names to refer to them in writing.
The picture was just a random picture I found. I googled rembrandt and thought that it was a pretty good image. Then I just made up a conversation based on it.
It was funny. Good idea to make it fictional, and I like how you made a classic painting into a joke.
Very funny stuff
Post a Comment